18 September 2009
Dear ANTHONY PAYNE:
Thank you for your recent attempt at hooking up with Caitlin Schlessinger. As one of the coolest , hottest girls in San Francisco, Caitlin is hit on by dozens and dozens of guys every weekend. On the night you tried to get her number, you were just one of fifteen to ask her.
We regret to inform you, however, that Caitlin is unable to offer you her phone number. In order to stay viable in today's dating market, she cannot have a conversation with just any guy who asks to buy her a drink at a bar. And offering her a Pabst tallboy didn't really help your case.
Caitlin takes a holistic view of men who approach her. Playing "Big Buck Hunter" and "Terminator 2: Pinball" by yourself in the corner of the bar for an hour did play a role in Caitlin's deliberations.
Please remember that no matter how flattering a bar's light may be, there is very little it can do for you in terms of your height. Might we suggest lifted shoes?
Best of luck in your future attempts at hooking up with girls; we are very sure there is some mousy, glasses-wearing, indie-chick out there you'd be great for.
Sincerely,
The Caitlin Schlessinger Admissions Board
P.S. Please do not post a "Missed Connection" about Caitlin; she will not respond. Girls like her don't search for themselves on Craigs List like you do.
We regret to inform you, however, that Caitlin is unable to offer you her phone number. In order to stay viable in today's dating market, she cannot have a conversation with just any guy who asks to buy her a drink at a bar. And offering her a Pabst tallboy didn't really help your case.
Caitlin takes a holistic view of men who approach her. Playing "Big Buck Hunter" and "Terminator 2: Pinball" by yourself in the corner of the bar for an hour did play a role in Caitlin's deliberations.
Please remember that no matter how flattering a bar's light may be, there is very little it can do for you in terms of your height. Might we suggest lifted shoes?
Best of luck in your future attempts at hooking up with girls; we are very sure there is some mousy, glasses-wearing, indie-chick out there you'd be great for.
Sincerely,
The Caitlin Schlessinger Admissions Board
P.S. Please do not post a "Missed Connection" about Caitlin; she will not respond. Girls like her don't search for themselves on Craigs List like you do.
So, wait, did playing Big Buck Hunter help you or not? I mean, were you doing well? Had you accidentally shot a doe or something? You were doing one-handed shotgun reloads, right?
ReplyDeletebig buck hunter NEVER helps with girls, but i'm thinking there might be something endearing about a guy playing pinball.
ReplyDelete:) i love this entry. looking forward to the next time you post.
ReplyDelete-s
Let's face it, Big Buck Hunter is really just the replication of two highly superior games: Duck Hunt and Oregon Trail.
ReplyDeleteAnd the those you don't even need to leave your sweatpants to play.
However, The Who wrote a song about Pinball, there's no way you could go wrong there.
-Caitlin
(albeit not THE Caitlin)